Ask Oleg, Featuring A Former European
Going all the way back to Scrappleface days, a former european has made us think and laugh. He has portrayed many heads of state, from Chirac to Mao.
He brought that great sense of humor with him from behind the European Iron Curtain, and he carries the chip of freedom on his shoulder. He recently posted a comment of his new character, Ask Oleg. Without further ado, I give you the newest reality TV show from the KGB, Ask Oleg:
(cue cheesy game show music)
Velcome peoples of world to most popular show of North Sverdlovsk, Ask Oleg! Ya, here is Oleg. What is your problems?
Caller 1: Oleg, why is mommy a democrat?
Oleg: Mommy is democrat because is petty bourgeois Menshevik who fears burning Red Truth of Bolshevik message. Mommy is useful idiot who will be purged when Revolution comes. Is nyext caller.
Caller 2: Oleg, why does Heather two mommies have?
Oleg: Is because of decadence of West. Before collapsing into ashheap of history, decadent capitalist imperialists seek to eliminate virile New Soviet Man and stop from producing new Soviet Party Heros for next generation. Rosie O'Donnell will definitely be purged when Revolution comes. Is nyext caller.
Oleg Taktarov, center, Russian figher in Ultimate Fighting Championship.
No word on whether he is the same Ask Oleg, but you don't want to fight him.
Caller 3: Oleg, have you considered to be Democratic National Committee Chairman?
Oleg: Bozhemoi, Howard Dean! I am many times telling you to quit calling show! I spit on your request! Ptooie! Call you one more time and will I personally line you up against wall and start purges early! I tell you many times, Revolution will not come from Pterodactyl screeching, but from guns and gulags. Lack you proper Socialistic Ardor to bring the Revolution.That's all time have for Ask Oleg.
Tune in tomorrow when Oleg talks to Hillary Clinton. Does she have balls to slaughter 30 million American Kulaks on her bloody rise to Party Chairmanship? Oleg thinks yes.
(more cheesy game show music)
I smell an Emmy.
posted by KJ @ 9:54 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Caller to Oleg:
"Where did Hillary get her balls?"
Yes, it definately smells of something.
I think afe is really a famous comedian in mufti. He's just perpetrating some kind of myth on us all.
Holy Bumpin' Moses In The Grass, AFE! I smell me a winner! I can see it now, weekdays 2 to 3 on Lifetime: "Oleg Does Dallas."
afe, I'm sorry.
I didn't tell anyone I was back. I didn't exactly plan things out. As it turned out I came back at the worst possible time, but between wiping the site out altogether (my original plan) or drifting around like some pitiful blogospheric slut in perpetuity, it seemed like the lesser of two evils. That just happened to be the first week my schedule allowed me enough breathing room to make a decision, so I made it.
I'm sorry. It was a graceless way of handling things but I really didn't think anyone was going to notice for at least a week or so. I thought I'd have plenty of time to think about how to let people know. And besides, I just didn't want a lot of fuss.
I don't have any control over Typepad - that's completely separate from my site. I think there's a link for if you forgot your password on the sign-in page. Or you can sign up for another one. I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but my husband would have divorced me if I'd had to deal with spam again. I can't be deleting 300-odd spams a weekend. It's just way too much work.
afe, you nut :)
I am thinking Cassandra was making good Bolshevik blogospheric slutskaya materiale -- mostly very useful for distracting Proletariat labor classes who slave away for fascist-Capitalist overlords from the realization that they are being cruelly exploited by an inherently regressive economic wage system.
And that is why she had to leave her Blogospheric Slutskaya gig. She could not lend her luscious loins to the perverted aims of Chinese-toy-loving minions of the richest 1%.
You, of course, will completely understand this.
HEY HEY HEY!!!! This is a family site!
Oh, that's right. It isn't.
Never mind.
Almost I am thinking already that some capitalist overlord type is not getting his money's worth out of certain attorneys this morning, who insist on wasting time criticizing revanchist technical wenches when slinging prohibitive amounts of oppressive legal terminology at the overworked masses, they could be.
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