Friday, December 09, 2005

Friday Funny

I have been such a bad blogger since mid-November (that is not meant to imply I was a good blogger before that). Anyway, here is a Friday Funny I received by e-mail, probably like everyone else out there. But I don't recall reading it before, and I thought it was funny.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

GEORGE W BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!

RALPH NADAR
The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this?!? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.ERNEST HEMINGWAYTo die in the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I dream of a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just witnessed eChicken2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet explorer is an integral part of chicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

ALGORE
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?

Do you have someone else's answer? Please share.

27 Comments:

At 12:19 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

JIMMY CARTER:

How sad that the chicken could not stay on his own side of the road. If only this chicken had sought a non-violent solution, but alas, like the present administration he forgot the path to peace.

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

JERRY SPRINGER:

Since the chicken has crossed the road with his wife and three darling chicks, we have a little surprise for him... close your eyes! OK! Open them! It's the long-long gay lover you stood up at the Senior Prom in Peoria, Illinois!

[feathers flying]

 
At 2:58 PM, Blogger Masked Menace© said...

Tom Cruise:
The chicken did not need to cross the road. That's just a bunch of pseudo-scientists trying to confuse you. I've done the research, I've looked at the history. It's all wrong. The chicken would have been just fine on his side of the road if he had just taken some vitamins and gotten proper excercise. You're just being glib.

 
At 3:16 PM, Blogger tee bee said...

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die. In the rain.

 
At 3:21 PM, Blogger spd rdr said...

Terrell Owens:

That *&^%&#@ didn't cross the road! I carried that moter&*^@#$ across the road! I carried the whole mother$%#@*&^ team across the road! I Brett Farve was on my side of the &*^$@# road I would have carried that mother*&%@#$ too!

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Good nightshirt. I have been working more than 12 hours straight.

"long-long gay lover"...

Try "long-lost gay lover"

 
At 3:52 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

GRANDPA CHICKEN:

In my day, we had to walk 2 miles to cross the road...in the sleet and snow....and it was uphill...BOTH WAYS.

 
At 3:55 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 3:57 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Harry Reid:

If that poor bird had seen the same intelligence available to the White House, he never would have crossed the road at all. But we were all deceived by an adminstration that had made its mind up the day after September 11th.

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Noam Chomsky:

From C1, we see the systematic use of complex symbology inherent in the dialectic of a parasitic epistimological construct: hence, what is obvious to any thinking person, a chicken in motion. Unsurprisingly, the naive linguistic artifacts which permeate and, indeed, subsume the more general case cannot effect a deeper meaning of irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional cartography.

 
At 4:13 PM, Blogger T. F. Stern said...

This is too good not to share, thank you.

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger Masked Menace© said...

Schroedinger('s Chicken):
The chicken has both crossed and not crossed the road. It only assumes one state or the other when it is observed.

 
At 4:35 PM, Blogger Masked Menace© said...

Heisenberg:
We can know either the chicken's direction crossing the road, or how far across the road the chicken is, but the more we know of one, the less we can know about the other.

 
At 4:38 PM, Blogger Masked Menace© said...

Spring Chicken (to Grandpa Chicken):

Are we there yet?

 
At 6:47 PM, Blogger Podritske said...

HOWARD DEAN (SCREAMING, of course.)
The chicken and I together will first cross the ROAD, THEN THE PARKWAY, THE EXPRESSWAY, THE TURNPIKE AND AAHHH!!!!!!

 
At 6:53 PM, Blogger spd rdr said...

The New York Times:

Across the Dividing Line
Feathered Wanderer Shows Bush's Support Diminishing Amongst Red State Fowl

 
At 8:40 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Nietschze:

The OverChicken crosses the road to affirm the will to power without ressentiment. If lesser beings stand in his way, he crushes them without remorse.

 
At 8:57 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

John Rawls:

Why did the chicken cross the road? Why, to nullify the accidents of natural endowment and the contingencies of social circumstances with a more just system that distributes resources to *all* chickens according to their moral deserts, silly.

 
At 12:34 AM, Blogger spd rdr said...

Shakespeare:

Thou does't fret overly, my lord. Yes, thoust feathered wretch yet traverses the King's way, and transparent to your design. Yet none but God and chance doth keen the promise or error of such simple-minded travail. But if thou, alas, having such single sense, bemoans only the loss of eggs in your hatchery, those dropped by such an unwitting servant beyond thy present reach may yet beget a new treachery for my lord's conivnce.

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger Lucy Stern said...

Boy, that Shakespear knows his chickens.... I like the Spring Chicken best..Cute.

 
At 8:45 AM, Blogger Cassandra said...

You're right, Lucy. They were both inspired. There is a surfeit of smart men around this place.

 
At 9:20 AM, Anonymous Cricket said...

Bill Clinton's definition of 'chicken' is nuanced and subtle. Would it be cowardice? No, he smoked cigars with Monica in the White House totally uncaring about the response of his wife, the public, God, whomever. Chicken...now was that the poule he enjoyed in the cigar afterglow?

How about 'crossing the road?' Going from virtue to being a devil with a blue dress on is quite a transition.

Oh I could have fun with this.

And listen to spd write the Bard is good fun at any time.

 
At 9:22 AM, Anonymous Cricket said...

"long-long gay lover?"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I can't stop laughing!

 
At 4:12 PM, Blogger camojack said...

This one has been makin' "the rounds" for years, but it occurs to me that nobody has ever bothered to get the chicken's perspective...a wholly biased lapse, in my (somewhat unique) view.

However, methinks 'tis well past time to redress this injustice...

To wit:

THE CHICKEN
"None of your damned business!!!"

(How do you like me now?!)

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger a former european said...

The chicken crossed the road to spread the Revolution and free the oppressed chicken masses on the other side of the road, Comrade.

 
At 4:16 PM, Anonymous Cricket said...

Because the sky was falling.

 
At 5:35 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Come back! Here on the other side of the road where you used to vacation, the aspens are turning. They turn in clusters, because their roots connect them.

Affectionately, Scooter

Judy Miller:

Gosh...I can't remember whether I first crossed the road in June or July. My notebook (which I "forgot" about while I was obstructing the grand jury investigation) says June. Anyway, the one thing I *do* suddenly remember for sure is that Scooter spilled the beans.

Bob Woodward:

I crossed the road two years ago, but I was busy writing my book and didn't have time to be subpoenaed. But hey - at least I didn't obstruct an ongoing investigation like that guy Libby...heh.

 

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