Friday, December 02, 2005

Teachers In Uproar

The NSA has proposed allowing people to fly with scissors.

That's right. We all know you shouldn't run with scissors, but apparently our Federal Government, whose primary job according to the Constitution is to protect us from all threats to our safety (self imposed or otherwise) and to fund abortions, is saying it is OK to fly with scissors. Naturally, this proposal is opposed by teachers' unions, but I doubt President No Child Left Unstabbed by Scissors cares.

This is no doubt the result of President Bush's long memory and bitterness of being scolded for running with scissors by his teachers. We know he is willing to start a war just because some benevolent dictator that Plato would have approved of tried to kill his father. Now he wants thousands of Americans to be impaled by scissors as they try to land after going over 600 miles per hour.

This is discraceful. I don't know if I can even work today.


What happens when one runs with scissors.

6 Comments:

At 10:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You do realise that she will eventually poke her eye out - don't you?

 
At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Cricket said...

I think you should sue the government for your malaise.

 
At 3:47 PM, Blogger tee bee said...

KJ, I'm surprised at you for making the crass over-generalization that the government's main job is to "protect us from all threats to our safety (self imposed or otherwise)."

If anything, the case of poor Terri Schiavo should have demonstrated how these people also find it profoundly important for you to be able to kill yourself, or the nearest relative who agrees that you're a waste of space (in case you can't say or sign "help me" clearly enough). After all, they don't want you to get hurt and acknowledge their hallowed role in protecting you from any possibility of harm. And they have compassion.

 
At 5:08 PM, Blogger KJ said...

I thought my govt. sponsored abortion comment immediately following the govt.'s role is to "take of you" statement satisfied the subtle irony requirement of my post.

Apparently not.

 
At 10:25 PM, Blogger Pile OnĀ® said...

Well....it can't be all bad if it is going to have this kind of effect on lawyer productivity.

 
At 6:22 PM, Blogger tee bee said...

Oh. You must be implying that an abortion is killing something besides a lump of tissue, you patriarchist.

 

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