Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Mondegreens Contest

Since KJ is still hard at work keeping the horrors of tort reform at bay, I thought I'd toss out a little holiday contest to pass the time. The object of this game is to come up with the best made-up-on-the-spot (or 'dismembered', as my boys used to say) Mondegreen.

What the (*&^% is a Mondegreen? You may well ask. Mondegreens are misheard lyrics. In fact, the word "Mondegreen" is itself the result of misconscrewing this poem:

Ye Highlands and ye Lowlands,
Oh, where hae ye been?
They hae slain the Earl o' Murray,
And Lady Mondegreen.
(laid him on the green)

[groan] But moving right along, it just wouldn't be Yuletide without one of my favorite Christmas songs from Jose Feliciano:

"There's fleas on your dad" (Feliz Navidad)

And I love to see small children caroling, their angelic voices lifted in song:

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel,
Barney's the King of Israel.

Of course, after a cup of two of eggnog, holiday driving can be hazardous:

Good King Wences' car backed out
On the feet of heathens
When the snow lay round about,
Deep and crisp and even.

'Tis the Season for inclusiveness:

In the meadow we can build a snowman;
Then pretend that he is partly brown.

Even if that jerk Santa is just another evil fascist oppressor:

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
Where the treetops glisten,
And children listen,
To hear slave elves in the snow.

So feel free to add your own Christmas memories in the comments section. And if you dismember having misconscrewed the lyrics to those holiday carols during your misspent youth... well, be creative. There must be a Christmas carol that you particularly loathe. We all have one. Maybe Elvis' Blue Christmas? Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire?

Go ahead...feel free to make something up.


At 6:54 AM, Blogger Cassandra said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 6:57 AM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Sigh... 2nd try.

When I was a little girl, I had a long string of perfect attendence at choir practice - I sang at the 8, 9, and 11 o'clock services during Christmas, so it's amazing that by midnight mass on Dec. 24th I never quite managed to be well and truly sick of Christmas hymns.

I do remember being a very, very tiny girl and mishearing this one (I think I wasn't up on Latin yet):

Shepherds, why this jubilee?
Why these songs of happy cheer?
What great brightness did you see?
What glad tidings did you hear?

Gloria! In eggshells she stays, oh!
Gloria! In eggshells she stays, oh!

I never quite flashed on why Gloria was so gung-ho on Easter when you got so many more presents at Christmas, but I figured it was all connected somehow.

At 10:18 AM, Anonymous Cricket said...

LOL. One that I really detested was "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." I still foam at the mouth whenever I hear it.

It is so toxic to my system that I can't face the lyrics just to write a parody.

Maybe if I imbibed eggnog with Benadryl I could handle it...

At 6:36 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

I still hate "Blue Christmas" because I was pregnant at "The Navy Gets-Change" and my manager used to play it over and over and over again. To this day, it reminds me of having severe morning sickness and being pinched by sailors - not a pleasant combination.

At 11:03 AM, Anonymous Cricket said...

"I Saw Mommy Dissing Santa Claus."


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