Mondegreens Contest

Since KJ is still hard at work keeping the horrors of tort reform at bay, I thought I'd toss out a little holiday contest to pass the time. The object of this game is to come up with the best made-up-on-the-spot (or 'dismembered', as my boys used to say) Mondegreen.

What the (*&^% is a Mondegreen? You may well ask. Mondegreens are misheard lyrics. In fact, the word "Mondegreen" is itself the result of misconscrewing this poem:

Ye Highlands and ye Lowlands,
Oh, where hae ye been?
They hae slain the Earl o' Murray,
And Lady Mondegreen. (laid him on the green)

[groan] But moving right along, it just wouldn't be Yuletide without one of my favorite Christmas songs from Jose Feliciano:

"There's fleas on your dad" (Feliz Navidad)

And I love to see small children caroling, their angelic voices lifted in song:

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel,
Barney's the King of Israel.

Of course, after a cup of two of eggnog, holiday driving can be hazardous:

Good King Wences' car backed out
On the feet of heathens
When the snow lay round about,
Deep and crisp and even.

'Tis the Season for inclusiveness:

In the meadow we can build a snowman;
Then pretend that he is partly brown.

Even if that jerk Santa is just another evil fascist oppressor:

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
...
Where the treetops glisten,
And children listen,
To hear slave elves in the snow.

So feel free to add your own Christmas memories in the comments section. And if you dismember having misconscrewed the lyrics to those holiday carols during your misspent youth... well, be creative. There must be a Christmas carol that you particularly loathe. We all have one. Maybe Elvis' Blue Christmas? Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire?

Go ahead...feel free to make something up.