Monday, January 09, 2006

Alabamastan Troopers -- Why People Hate Cops.

Alabama State Troopers Are Jerks.

This commentary is made with all due respect for the men in blue generally. However, when I have only two stories of travel in the not so great state of Alabamastan, and both involve BS stops by Alabama State Troopers, I detect a pattern.

On Friday, Mrs. KJ had to go to southern Alabamastan on business. Because it was an unfamiliar area for her and most intelligent Americans, she took "our" new car (which I plan to drive regularly), which has a built in GPS satelinte and navigation system. Our new car was purchased the last week in December from a relative. The vehicle still has a 30 day Indiana paper tag, all perfectly legal, until Georgia issues us our permanent tag.

My wife, knowing she was in Alabamastan, was using the cruise control at 57 in a 55. She saw the poilce officer clock her and knew how fast she was going. He pulled her over anyway. The questioning was a full fleged cross-examination. He pulled her over for "going to little too fast over that hill." That was a lie, of course. He pulled her over for driving a luxery vehicle with a paper tag.

He wanted to know what kind of tag she had on the vehicle. He wanted to know why she was in Alabamastan with an Indiana tag. "On business." "Why do you have a Georgia licence?" "I live in Georgia." "Your car was bought in Indiana?" "Yes. I have family there. I was visiting them the last week of December." "I don't get that. So you just went and bought yourself a luxery vehicle while you were in Indiana to see family?" "Yes, sir, Officer." "Must be nice." "Yes, sir." [Irony alert: we bought the car from an Indiana State Trooper.]

Anyway, he made her roll all her windows down so he could look into the car at all angles. Then he gave her a written warning for speeding (he didn't identify her actual speed on the warning of course) before letting her go. To that officer, who played the class warfare game a pulled over a car with a legal temporary tag and harrassed my wife for no reason, I offer a mighty "FU."

But the story doesn't end there. This is the second such BS stop my family has experienced in Alabamastan. On 9/12/2001 I was driving through Alabamastan with two other attorneys. We had been in Texas on 9/11 for a deposition. We decided to merge our rental cars and drive back in one car. My rental car was slightly largest, so we chose it.

At around 5 a.m. we get pulled over by Alabamastan State Patrol. His reason? I swear to God: "You made in illegal lane change back there." "I thought I used my signal, officer." "You did, but you turned it off before actually crossing the white lines. That made it illegal." Then the questioning started. Of course, he really pulled us over for driving a Texas rental car in Alabama.

Now, mind you, we were three white guys in suits. Even though we were clearly not terrorists (which he was not looking for) or drug runners (which he was looking for) or black or hispanic (which I'm sure he was counting on), he asked to look through our trunk. Since we didn't want to wait for the dogs to come to sniff the car, we consented. He didn't give us a ticket, and he eventually let us go home after wasting a good 15-30 minutes of our time.

He pulled us over for no reason other than we were driving a rental car, and he wanted to check it for drugs with no basis for suspision. A lot of people think we were pulled over b/c of 9/11, but I don't believe that. He wasn't looking for terrorists. He was looking for drugs, and rental cars from Texas probably met a courier profile. He then had to invent a reason to pull us over. A belated FU to him as well.

Alabamastan State Troopers are the king of the made up stops. But to their defense - I don't think they racially profile. They like pulling cars over on racially neutral profiles and harrassing people of all genders and races.


At 9:10 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

You know it's awful when I'm too tired even to be a smarta**.

Look at it this way: at least they are even-handed. There's a good chance if you go back there you can make it a three-peat.

At 2:36 AM, Blogger a former european said...

No way, man. You were the victim of racism! The Man is always looking to keep crackers down. Does Jesse Jackson know about this outrage? Have you called the rev. Sharpton?

No justice, no peace!
No justice, no peace!

We whiteys should all riot in solidarity with bruthah KJ! I need a new big-screen TV and some Air Jordans anyway.

At 4:16 PM, Anonymous Cricket said...

Good helk.

Try this one on for size:

California driver's license,
Missouri address
Missouri plates(registration was current, mind you)
Driving a full size van (aka the Mothership)

Location: State Of Georgia.

I confused the trooper by telling him to call JAG to check on the legitimacy of me having an out of state DL with an out of state addy while owning property here. Then Jonathan pinched one of the babies and made him cry, so I had to nurse him, and well, he just let me go.

We can do is part of the SOFA.


Must resist snark...

At 6:29 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Then Jonathan pinched one of the babies and made him cry, so I had to nurse him, and well, he just let me go.

Boys... :)

That must be a great memory, Cricket.

At 7:30 AM, Blogger camojack said...

Hey, cops are people too, y'know...or so I have been told, at any rate.
(I'm still not convinced, tho')

At 5:20 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Well, my son's a cop, and he's got some hilarious stories.

He actually pulled over one of the Redskins running backs not too long ago. That was pretty funny. And then he was in the paper! That was kind of neat. (Well, at least his mother was very excited.)

He threatens to pull me over all the time because I drive like a demon. I'm so glad he's a VA cop.

At 12:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You people are soo pathetic its amazing.
OMG the cop took up 30 mins of your time. Good God people! Its not like you have better things to do. These cops are paid to patrol and even if its a little thing like turning off your turning signal too fast then so be it. I think you need to appreciate what they do for you on every other day of the week. Some day you might have someone break into your house and steal something, then the cop will be like "o i dont know if i want to help you since you hate cops so much!" Just try to be understanding instead of complete a$$holes.

At 10:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The filthy pig should NEVER have been given consent to search..that just keeps them violating our rights. ONE MINUTE is too long to wait for a Nazi bastard to destroy the Constotution. Anyone who supports this is un American and hates the Constitution. Do not make excuses for filth like cops..they deserve to be shot to death when they break the rules..they will kill you so all is fair. I hate the pigs and hope to get a chance to show it someday when they mess with me. I do not back down. Keep hating the filthy pigs!!They hate you and want to violate you so repay the favor.

At 11:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yea Alabama is the ass hole state. We have SHIT! traveling through it all he time like MR. and MRS. KJ.

At 5:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you obey the law, you should not receive a citation. If you do receive a citation when you WERE obeying the law, then your next recourse should be to contest the citation in court. Why are people so immature about the Po-lice doing their job? When a Mc'Donalds cashier charges you for what you need to be charged for, do you complain? I've had bad experiences with Po-lice too, but it is not fair to sterotype people for their profession. I expect a ticket every time I get stopped, and I deserve a ticket (technically) every time I drive, as do many other people.

At 5:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey stupid legalists, STFU. Sometimes, the technical definition of the 'law' is ridiculous and has to be used in context. Also, to the person who called the poster pathetic:

You're an idiot. Not everyone has unlimited time on their hands and yes its an annoyance. Also, I'm pretty sure most people would appreciate cops for what they are SUPPOSED to do (protect and serve) but don't appreciate most of what they do now (which is waste peoples' time).

Just try not to be an idiot.

At 3:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are going to criticize something, try using correct grammar and spelling so you do not look like an idiot. I noticed one of the anonymous hammer-heads posted some gibberish about not backing down from the cops. Cops do not legally have to back down from you. They may use whatever force is necessary to make an arrest, idiot. Moreover, a law enforcement officer has the right to detain a suspect for a reasonable amount of time upon witnessing a violation. When attempting to make an argument, it is often useful to have a little common knowledge of the subject.

At 9:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

saying from eastern europe and southern US....
if he is too dumb and too ugly for anything put a stick in his hand and a cap on his head.


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