Alabamastan Troopers -- Why People Hate Cops.

Alabama State Troopers Are Jerks.

This commentary is made with all due respect for the men in blue generally. However, when I have only two stories of travel in the not so great state of Alabamastan, and both involve BS stops by Alabama State Troopers, I detect a pattern.

On Friday, Mrs. KJ had to go to southern Alabamastan on business. Because it was an unfamiliar area for her and most intelligent Americans, she took "our" new car (which I plan to drive regularly), which has a built in GPS satelinte and navigation system. Our new car was purchased the last week in December from a relative. The vehicle still has a 30 day Indiana paper tag, all perfectly legal, until Georgia issues us our permanent tag.

My wife, knowing she was in Alabamastan, was using the cruise control at 57 in a 55. She saw the poilce officer clock her and knew how fast she was going. He pulled her over anyway. The questioning was a full fleged cross-examination. He pulled her over for "going to little too fast over that hill." That was a lie, of course. He pulled her over for driving a luxery vehicle with a paper tag.

He wanted to know what kind of tag she had on the vehicle. He wanted to know why she was in Alabamastan with an Indiana tag. "On business." "Why do you have a Georgia licence?" "I live in Georgia." "Your car was bought in Indiana?" "Yes. I have family there. I was visiting them the last week of December." "I don't get that. So you just went and bought yourself a luxery vehicle while you were in Indiana to see family?" "Yes, sir, Officer." "Must be nice." "Yes, sir." [Irony alert: we bought the car from an Indiana State Trooper.]

Anyway, he made her roll all her windows down so he could look into the car at all angles. Then he gave her a written warning for speeding (he didn't identify her actual speed on the warning of course) before letting her go. To that officer, who played the class warfare game a pulled over a car with a legal temporary tag and harrassed my wife for no reason, I offer a mighty "FU."

But the story doesn't end there. This is the second such BS stop my family has experienced in Alabamastan. On 9/12/2001 I was driving through Alabamastan with two other attorneys. We had been in Texas on 9/11 for a deposition. We decided to merge our rental cars and drive back in one car. My rental car was slightly largest, so we chose it.

At around 5 a.m. we get pulled over by Alabamastan State Patrol. His reason? I swear to God: "You made in illegal lane change back there." "I thought I used my signal, officer." "You did, but you turned it off before actually crossing the white lines. That made it illegal." Then the questioning started. Of course, he really pulled us over for driving a Texas rental car in Alabama.

Now, mind you, we were three white guys in suits. Even though we were clearly not terrorists (which he was not looking for) or drug runners (which he was looking for) or black or hispanic (which I'm sure he was counting on), he asked to look through our trunk. Since we didn't want to wait for the dogs to come to sniff the car, we consented. He didn't give us a ticket, and he eventually let us go home after wasting a good 15-30 minutes of our time.

He pulled us over for no reason other than we were driving a rental car, and he wanted to check it for drugs with no basis for suspision. A lot of people think we were pulled over b/c of 9/11, but I don't believe that. He wasn't looking for terrorists. He was looking for drugs, and rental cars from Texas probably met a courier profile. He then had to invent a reason to pull us over. A belated FU to him as well.

Alabamastan State Troopers are the king of the made up stops. But to their defense - I don't think they racially profile. They like pulling cars over on racially neutral profiles and harrassing people of all genders and races.