Monday, March 13, 2006

Bag O' Mail

As you all know, I've been a really light blogger these past few weeks, and really most of the year. So I have decided to reprint some of the e-mail I have received here at the Cheese. Like a clip show, this provides me with a quick and easy filler post that requires very little effort or original writing. Enjoy.

To: KJ
From: tee bee
Re: Slacker

Hey, KJ.

When are you going to write something, slacker? I wouldn't care, but my name is listed on your blog as a contributor. I ought to be listed as the boss. In case you didn't notice, I have a full time blog, too. It isn't my job to make up for your slack when you aren't even out of town or in trial for corruption and tax evasion and stuff like you mayor. Do you expect me to save your butt with caption contests forever?
It isn't like I don't have other things to do. I have my own blog you know, if I didn't mention that. I also have to take care of my bees. Do you think pollen just grows on trees? How about writing a post for your readers so they aren't wasting their valuable time coming here three times a day to see if you are still a slacker?

tee bee

To: KJ
From: Tortsti Balderrama
Re: Pharama18cy news

Cialus: $99 Couldn't you use some happiness loser?
Valium: $119 You probably don't need this, with your personality. Just try listening to yourself.
Viagra: $69. Yeah, that price isn't a mistake. C'mon, you know you need this, and wouldn't it be better to order it illegally over the internet than to go to a doctor and admit your limp?

Save 50% online at www.ourdrugsarelegalweswear.com

To: KJ
From: The Libertarian Party
Re: The War On Terror

Dear valued member of the Party,

Please come back. We aren't just about drugs, prostitution and being soft in the war on terror. Those are just the California libertarians. Damn them all!

To: KJ
From: Cassandra
Re: This isn't about you

C'mon KJ, not everything I write is about you. Quit being such a self-centered boob. Maybe I actually read something by someone else that got my blood boiling you livid terrier hater of children.

And no, I'm not going to send you that picture of me in the red dress again. I shouldn't have sent it the first time. Or the second time. That was just the wine I guess. If you liked it so much, you shouldn't have lost it.

Cassandra

To: KJ
From: Cody Coby
Re: Wow!

-Sensattional revolution in meedicine!-E-nlarge your p-enis up to 10 cm or up to 4 inches!-It's herbal solution what hasn't side effect, but has 100% guaranteeed results!-Don`'t loose your chance and but know wihtout doubts,, you will be impressed with results!!!

To: KJ
From: Dr. Clement Okun
Re: Business Oportunity

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. YOUR BLOG MAKE ME THINK YOU VERY HONEST MAN. THIS MATTER BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE.

IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS WE SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE TO ENABLE US TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THE SAID TRAPPED FUNDS.
THE SOURCE OF THIS FUND IS HERE IN NIGERIA. GOVERNMENT CONTRACTS WERE GROSSLY OVER-INVOICED. HOWEVER, BY VIRTUE OF OUR POSITION AS CIVIL SERVANTS AND MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL, WE CANNOT ACQUIRE THIS MONEY IN OUR NAMES.
WE WOULD TRANSFER THE SUM OF US$21,320,000.00(TWENTY ONE MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS) TO YOU. HENCE WE ARE WRITING YOU THIS LETTER. WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE MONEY 1. 20% FOR THE ACCOUNT OWNER. THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE AND WE HOPE TO COMMENCE THE TRANSFER LATEST SEVEN (7) BANKING DAYS. PLEASE SEND YOUR COMPANY'S NAME AND ACCOUNT NUMBER TO APPLY FOR PAYMENT.

YOURS FAITHFULLY, DR CLEMENT OKON NOTE; PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER (VE/S/09/99) IN ALL YOUR RESPONSES.

So, as you can see, in addition to my day job, I have a number of e-mails to respond to from my adoring fan base. I'll post some original material again soon. In the meantime, take care.

4 Comments:

At 4:51 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Oh my Lord you dork, I needed a laugh.

I'm laughing so hard I can't even type. That was hilarious. This calls for a flame war.

Heh...

 
At 4:53 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

I detest you. I actually clicked on that link.

 
At 10:54 PM, Blogger tee bee said...

How come you cut out all my colorful adverbs and adjectives? You're killing me here, you effing lazy bastage.

And do yourself a favor - take Cody up on that offer.

 
At 5:12 AM, Blogger camojack said...

Cassandra:
Since you mentioned clicking on the link, I tried it too...but the protocols at the Military/Industrial Complex (where I'm current on break) denied me access.

I'll have to try again from "La Casa de Camo"...

 

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