Thursday, October 13, 2005

Gay Thursday 10/13 -- Ig Nobel Prizes

GAY THURSDAY* -- Judge Roberts is confirmed, so we return to Gay* Thursday.

This week, Gay* Thursday celebrates fake dog testicles. Because a dog with balls is always happier than one without balls.

Ever feel sorry for you dog after being neutered? Why have the ability to lick one's self if there is nothing there to lick? Never fear. A scientist is there to help you.

The inventor of artificial testicles for dogs (one version pictured at right won an Ig Nobel prize for 2005 on Thursday.

The spoof prizes, awarded by the science humor magazine Annals of Improbable Research, are presented at a ceremony in Cambridge, Massachusetts, where the winners must try to explain their work in a minute or less.

This year's winners include:

"Medicine" -- Gregg Miller [pictured left] of Oak Grove, Missouri, for inventing Neuticles -- artificial replacement testicles for dogs.

"Neuticles allow your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering. With Neuticles -- It's like nothing ever changed!" reads Miller's Web site at

As indicated, there were other winners. A group of Nigerian authors won the literature prize and a penguine poop measurer won as well.

"Literature" -- The Internet entrepreneurs of Nigeria, "for creating and then using e-mail to distribute a bold series of short stories, thus introducing millions of readers to a cast of rich characters -- General Sani Abacha, Mrs. Mariam Sanni Abacha, Barrister Jon A Mbeki Esq." The scams are notorious for asking people to reveal their private bank information to help fictitious characters transfer large sums of money.

"Fluid Dynamics" -- Victor Benno Meyer-Rochow of International University Bremen, Germany, and the University of Oulu, Finland; and Jozsef Gal of Lorond Eotvos University in Hungary, for "Pressures Produced When Penguins Pooh -- Calculations on Avian Defecation," an actual study published in 2003 in the journal Polar Biology.

"Economics -- Gauri Nanda of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, for inventing an alarm clock that runs away and hides.

The winners could not be reached for comment for this article. I assume they ran away to hide as well.

* Gay: 1 a : happily excited : MERRY b : keenly alive and exuberant : having or inducing high spirits 2 a : BRIGHT, LIVELY b : brilliant in color

For more Gay* Thursday fun, check out A Guide to Midwestern Culture.


At 2:59 PM, Blogger tee bee said...

you expect me to live up to fake doggy cajones?

At 3:28 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

I'm speechless. But I have a feeling Sausage would approve.

I didn't have him neutered until he was 8 because frankly he can't reach most female dogs and we never let him run wild. The vet finally talked me into it after years of shaming me (plus he was getting cantankerous and belligerent and I hoped it would make him less in-your-face - he's a little lover with me, but he gets very protective of me around other people).

Well, it worked but I felt like I'd caved to the feminNazi vet industry. Now I'll endure 3 years of guilt wondering if I should get my dachsi cosmetic testicle surgery.



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