Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Tom Cruise Interview

Another version of this transcript appears at Wuzzadem, but for the record, I discovered this transcript Friday, so I am publishing it. I discovered Wuzzadem's post after the fact.

NBC 'TODAY SHOW' host Matt Lauer was lectured by star Tom Cruise on the dangers of psychiatry and antidepressants during a promotional interview for WAR OF THE WORLDS. The exchange aired Friday morning.

LAUER: Tom Cruise created a firestorm when he criticized Brooke Shields for doing therapy and taking antidepressants to deal with post-partum depression. As a Scientologist, he is a certified fool, but says he doesn't believe in psychiatric medicine. I asked him about his comments. I let him talk down to me because he is a celebrity and not a Republican politician.

CRUISE: I've never agreed with psychiatry, ever. Before I was a Scientologist I never agreed with psychiatry. I just wanted to be the best damn pilot in the navy, but those psychiatrists kept me from it.

LAUER: What?

CRUISE: Just because it was written by a science fiction writer who has been rumored to declare that the real money was in religion is no reason to doubt his proclamations. I now understand more and more why I didn't believe in psychology. Psychiatry is-- is a pseudo science.

MATT LAUER: But-- but Tom, if she said that this particular thing helped her feel better, whether it was the antidepressant or going to a counselor or psychiatrist, isn't that enough?

TOM CRUISE: I feel like singing "You Lost That Loving Feeling." Do you mind, Matt?

LAUER: Yes. I do mind.

CRUISE: Matt, you have to understand this. Here we are today where I talk out against drugs and psychiatric abuses of electric shocking people, okay.

LAUER: Shocking people? What the hell are you talking about.

CRUISE: Do you know what Aderol is? Do you know Ritalin? Do you know now that Ritalin is a street drug? Do you understand that? Did you order the Code Red? Did you?

MATT LAUER: You do know one thing has nothing to do with the other?

TOM CRUISE: No, no, Matt. I want answers.

MATT LAUER: This wasn't against her will, though.

TOM CRUISE: Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt-- Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt-- Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt-- Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt-- Matt, I'm-- Matt, I'm asking you a question. Matt, question. Matt, I am entitled to the truth.

MATT LAUER: Well, excuse me Tom, I've lost my decoder ring.

TOM CRUISE: Hey, that was my line. And Scientologists use a decoder bracelet. Here's the problem. You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do. You don't know sh*t. I'm Tom Cruise. I studied psychiatric history, which somehow proves something about drugs.

MATT LAUER: Might not Brooke Shields be an example, of someone who benefited from one of those drugs?

TOM CRUISE: Speed. I feel the need for speed. To be able to control it. To know that I can control something that's out of control.

LAUER: You've lost me. Those quotes were from two different movies.

CRUISE: Listen to my talking points. Mask the problem, Matt. Understand the history of it. There is no such thing as a chemical imbalance.

MATT LAUER: So, postpartum depression to you is kind of a little psychological gook googley-gook?

TOM CRUISE: No. I did not say that. Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--

MATT LAUER: I'm just asking what you-- what would you call it?

TOM CRUISE: No. No. Matt, now, you're talking about two different things. Like A Few Good Men and Top Gun.

MATT LAUER: Those were the same two movies. You were a young brash kid in the Navy. Very good at what you did. But your personality and the ghost of your father caused you problems that you overcame at the end.

TOM CRUISE: No. Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt-- You want to know the truth? Can you handle the truth? I could handle the truth. Can you?

MATT LAUER: But Tom, you say you want people to do well. But you want them do to well by taking the road that you approve of, as opposed to a road that may work for them.

CRUISE: I want you to do well, Matt. I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens. I'll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.

LAUER: I have an agent, Tom.

TOM CRUISE: Are you asking me out on a date?


CRUISE: Because I've been asked out on dates before, and that is what it sounds like.

LAUER: Get on with it Tom.

CRUISE: I love Katie, Matt. She . . . completes me.

LAUER: That line didn't work on her did it?

CRUISE: Yes, she is too young to have seen Jerry Maguire.

MATT LAUER: Well, tell me about this child actress you are dating.

CRUISE: I didn't shoplift the pootie.

LAUER: *gives Tom a long look*

CRUISE: Alright. I did shoplift the pootie. But can't I discuss what I wanna discuss?

MATT LAUER: You absolutely can. Last I checked, this was the very essence of a discussion. I don't have to sit here like a potted plant and let you say what you want unchallenged. I only do that for people named Clinton, at least when that b*tch Couric will let me talk to one of them.

TOM CRUISE: I know. But-- but Matt, you see the dilemna. I've already seen this. If you let me say what I want, then my premonition is wrong, but our system works. If you don't, then I'm right, and I can predict the future. Now, are you going in and saying that-- that I can't discuss this?

MATT LAUER: Open your ears man. We are discussing it. I'm only asking, isn't there a possibility that Scientology is a bunch of science fiction horsesh*t? Did you examine the possibility that some science fiction writer in the 1950s didn't discover the secret to life? Didn't you consider the fact that a so-called religion that makes you buy your way into the knowledge that religion has to offer is a freaking cult?

TOM CRUISE: Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt--Matt-- Matt, Matt, Matt-- You're glib. You don't even know what a cult is. You don't know the history of cults. I've studied their history. You have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, okay. L. Ron Hubbard wrote those books. That's what I've done.

MATT LAUER: You're-- you're-- it's very impressive to listen to you. Because clearly, you pretend to know the subject. Which good actors do. But in this case, you do it also.

TOM CRUISE: Thank you, Matt. I think.

MATT LAUER: I couldn't agree more.

TOM CRUISE: Matt, this isn't a conversation about something you don't need to know anything about, like the War in Iraq.

MATT LAUER: But you're now telling me that your experiences with the people I know, which are zero, are more important than my experiences.

TOM CRUISE: What do you mean by that?

MATT LAUER: I don't know.

TOM CRUISE: So, you're-- you're advocating it.

MATT LAUER: What are we talking about?


MATT LAUER: Do you want more people to understand Scientology? Is that-- would that be a goal of yours?

TOM CRUISE: You know what? I-- absolutely. Of course, you know. And people--

MATT LAUER: How do you go about that?

TOM CRUISE: I plan to date every young woman between 16 and 26 years old, and convince them all to join Scientology.

MATT LAUER: You-- you're so passionate about it.

TOM CRUISE: You've never seen me really upset, Matt. And, yes, I'm passionate about young women.


At 3:23 PM, Blogger Jehane said...

My husband was talking about this the other night and he had me rolling on the floor. Now you've done it again - what a fruitcake.

At 3:57 PM, Blogger Pile OnĀ® said...

Cass Cass no Cass, Cass, you don't understand. Tom is going through a midlife crisis and it is effecting what little cognitive function he had to begin with. Please don't ridicule him, he can't even fall back on therapy like most people.

At 6:18 PM, Anonymous John from WuzzaDem said...

It wouldn't matter if you had seen mine, this is much funnier.

Linked it as an update, it really cracked me up.

At 6:25 PM, Blogger KJ said...

You are very kind, John.

At 6:31 PM, Blogger Jehane said...

They were both incredibly funny.

I'm in awe of both of you. I'd give my right arm (well, not really, but you know what I mean) to be able to write something that funny :)

Thanks to both of you for making me laugh - I'm only two days into the work week and it already seems like it should be Friday.

At 5:45 PM, Anonymous sportsbook said...

The Today Show was the first show of its genre when it signed on with original host Dave Garroway. The show blends national news headlines, in-depth interviews with newsmakers, lifestyleSportbook features, other light news and gimmicks (including the presence of the chimpanzee J. Fred Muggs as the show's mascot during the early years), and local news updates.


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