Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The Golden Rule Of Foreign Policy

Ann Coulter, whom I find extremely entertaining and funny - in small doses at least - has come up with a unifying theme of foreign policy. This is more universal than Einstein's theory of relativity.

Here's a foolproof method for keeping America safe: Always do the exact 180-degree opposite of whatever Jimmy Carter says as quickly as possible.

It is simple. It is easy to measure its wisdom. Thus far, history has shown it to be 100% accurate.

She also offers us torture rules of thumb:

[Discussing Gitmo:] On the bright side, at least liberals have finally found a group of people in Cuba whom they think deserve to be rescued.

In the interests of helping my country, I have devised a compact set of torture guidelines for Guantanamo. It's not torture if:

The same acts performed on a live stage have been favorably reviewed by Frank Rich of the New York Times;

Andrew Sullivan has ever solicited it from total strangers on the Internet [ouch];

You can pay someone in New York to do it to you;

Karen Finley ever got a federal grant to do it;

It's comparable to the treatment U.S. troops received in basic training;

It's no worse than the way airlines treat little girls in pigtails flying to see Grandma.

Who says all rules are full of gray?


At 5:47 PM, Blogger tee bee said...

Always do the exact 180-degree opposite of whatever Jimmy Carter says as quickly as possible.

That's been my rule of thumb for a couple of decades now, since ol' Ronny Raygun showed him what the world thought of him. Which is not the same as entertaining the idea that, post-presidency, we would have so many reasons to do so. Maybe he should be detained on Cuba - with his Castro "friendship" and affinity for opponents of the US, he might welcome it.

Ann's "rules of thumb" are amusing contrast, but I suspect the left will greet it by claiming that any subjection to Ann Coulter [including reading her column so you can blast her to readers or friends] is tantamount to torture, by Nazis.


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