Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Euro-trash Tuesday (8/30) -- Directions In England

Euro-trash Tuesday (8/30)

Forgive me, but this was too funny to pass up. The British roads are all real. The story, well, that may be fiction.

Overheard recently by the side of a British road:

Say British friend, how do I drive to my destination?

Oh, that is a toughie. Are you hoping to get there quickly, chap?

No, I assume that Grope Lane is not the best way to go.

Righto. It looks quickest, but it often is a dead end. Before we begin, I assume you aren't going to go by way of Menlove Avenue?

No, I'm looking for a more conventional route.

In that case, I recommend you take your time on this trip. It can be trickey. If you want to get to Titlington Mount, it is best to avoid Ugley. You should start out on Pant-y-Felin Road. Turn right on East Breast, when you come to the intersection of Juggs Close and Lickers Lane, and take the Muff exit. That turns into Fingringhoe. At Booty Lane, turn at Upperthong.

Now, I wouldn't suggest taking Mudchute, by Old Sodom Lane. Taking Back Passage will usually only end up at Bitchfield. And even if you don't, you come out on Brown Willy.

Good advice.

You may want to slow down at this point of your trip. You don't want to end up at Spital in the Street to soon.

Thank you. Now where do I go from Upper Thong?

Well, that depends. It may take you a while if you have go around the traffic at Six Mile Bottom. Once you pass there, look for Balls Cross, which take you to the intersection of Cockshoot Close and Twatt. Then you are done.

Is there a quicker route?

Oh sure. If you want to get there quickly without any obstacles, you can always take Hooker Road via Titty Ho. That will also offer you option of taking Spanker Lane, if you are into that kind of travel.

How about if I want to drive by the beach?

Well, that always ends up at Scratchy Bottom and Sandy Balls.

Thanks, mate.

No problem. Have a nice trip.

For more Euro-trash Tuesday, check out A Guide To Midwestern Culture.


At 12:59 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

You know, this place is getting to be entirely too High Tone for some people...

It's like we need to wash our hands and put on our white gloves just to leave a comment. Sheesh.

At 2:15 PM, Blogger spd rdr said...

Pay attention to those directions. One wrong turn and you might wind up in Bumpass, Virginia.

At 2:53 PM, Blogger portia said...

In which case, I suggest you keep your engine running until you reach Intercourse, PA, a couple of hours north of Bumpass. Just be careful though, you miss the last exit before toll booth, and you'll end up in Blue Balls, PA, which I understand is just up the road a bit.

At 4:45 PM, Blogger a former european said...

After reading this thread, I feel so cheap and violated somehow. Tell me that you'll still respect me in the morning:)

At 5:01 PM, Blogger KJ said...


No, but I'll call you later.

At 8:52 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Yeah, but that's mostly because afe scribbles his phone number on the walls of every popup comment window in the Blogosphere... :)

For a wild ride, call 1 800 fmr uropean -- Whoo-hoo!

*running away*

At 3:50 AM, Blogger a former european said...

Cass, you cad, I can't believe you said that! You told me that what we had was special! Was I just another notch on your pursestrap?

Harrumph! Women! They're all alike!

P.S: You'll still call me though, right?

At 9:30 AM, Blogger Cassandra said...

You betcha :)

I'll have that special burkha on, just for you too, afe darlin' - the one that sends you mad with desire...

At 5:08 PM, Blogger a former european said...


I'll be in burkha heaven!

At 7:37 PM, Blogger Cassandra said...

That's the third time you've done that to me today :)

Thanks afe. Today was a really lousy day - I needed a good laugh.

At 2:52 AM, Blogger a former european said...

They say third time's the charm!:)


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