Euro-trash Tuesday (8/30) -- Directions In England

Euro-trash Tuesday (8/30)

Forgive me, but this was too funny to pass up. The British roads are all real. The story, well, that may be fiction.

Overheard recently by the side of a British road:

Say British friend, how do I drive to my destination?

Oh, that is a toughie. Are you hoping to get there quickly, chap?

No, I assume that Grope Lane is not the best way to go.

Righto. It looks quickest, but it often is a dead end. Before we begin, I assume you aren't going to go by way of Menlove Avenue?

No, I'm looking for a more conventional route.

In that case, I recommend you take your time on this trip. It can be trickey. If you want to get to Titlington Mount, it is best to avoid Ugley. You should start out on Pant-y-Felin Road. Turn right on East Breast, when you come to the intersection of Juggs Close and Lickers Lane, and take the Muff exit. That turns into Fingringhoe. At Booty Lane, turn at Upperthong.

Now, I wouldn't suggest taking Mudchute, by Old Sodom Lane. Taking Back Passage will usually only end up at Bitchfield. And even if you don't, you come out on Brown Willy.

Good advice.

You may want to slow down at this point of your trip. You don't want to end up at Spital in the Street to soon.

Thank you. Now where do I go from Upper Thong?

Well, that depends. It may take you a while if you have go around the traffic at Six Mile Bottom. Once you pass there, look for Balls Cross, which take you to the intersection of Cockshoot Close and Twatt. Then you are done.

Is there a quicker route?

Oh sure. If you want to get there quickly without any obstacles, you can always take Hooker Road via Titty Ho. That will also offer you option of taking Spanker Lane, if you are into that kind of travel.

How about if I want to drive by the beach?

Well, that always ends up at Scratchy Bottom and Sandy Balls.

Thanks, mate.

No problem. Have a nice trip.

For more Euro-trash Tuesday, check out A Guide To Midwestern Culture.