Sunday, July 09, 2006

Soccer Still Sucks

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingAnyone who is a regular reader here knows two things: (1) my last few months of blogging has been rather boring (thanks to tee bee for getting anything done here); and (2) I hate the guts and livers of soccer. And unlike Danny Lombard, I have seen soccer and understand it.

Well, the World Cup is over.

Soccer sucks. It leads to
famine, disease, gay gangs terrorizing cities (see photo above) and civil war. And we all know that all World Cup games end in 0-0 tie followed by shoot outs. That is, unless a team scores on a penalty kick or corner kick. No one ever scores during normal play. Nope. Peanlty kicks, corner kicks and the inevidible shoot out because no one can score in over time either.

Don't believe me? Watch the championship game when it replayed tonight on your local spanish speaking station. Here is what you will see:

France's only goal, Zidane's penalty kick in the seventh minute, was the lone score by an Italy opponent in seven games.

The Italians put the ball into the net 12 minutes later on Materazzi's header off a corner kick.

Then no one scores again. So Italy wins the game in a shoot out.


At 6:40 PM, Blogger spd rdr said...

In American football:
In the event of a tie at the end of regulation time, a coin flip grants the winner possession of the ball for a single chance to break the tie. If the winner of the toss fails to do so, their opponent is given an opportunity. The first team to kick the ball through the uprights or to carry or pass it over the goal line wins the game. If neither team is able to score during the alloted period, the overtime is renewed.

Here's my take:
If at the end of regulation play there is no winner, the coaches of the two teams are given pistols and placed ten yards apart. The first coach to either kill his opponent or the clumsy lunkhead that caused the team the game, wins, and gets first dibs on the lawyers.

At 6:53 PM, Blogger KJ said...

I know it is tempting spd, but if you get lawyers involved at all in World Cup play, it could get even worse.

At 1:31 AM, Blogger camojack said...

Amen to that, KJ... :-)

At 5:02 AM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Better yet - Why don't we just place a bunch of liquored-up lawyers in the middle of the field with plenty of ammo, and let them settle it? That should be amusing? Heh...

Well, I went home with the waitress
The way I always do
How was I to know
She was with the Russians, too

I was gambling in Havana
I took a little risk
Send lawyers, guns and money
Dad, get me out of this

I'm the innocent bystander
Somehow I got stuck
Between the rock and the hard place
And I'm down on my luck
And I'm down on my luck
And I'm down on my luck

Now I'm hiding in Honduras
I'm a desperate man
Send lawyers, guns and money
The shit has hit the fan

Send lawyers, guns and money...

At 5:02 AM, Blogger Cassandra said...

Dang. Now I wish I were in Key West.

At 11:14 AM, Blogger spd rdr said...

Me too.

At 11:57 AM, Blogger Cassandra said...

They were playing that song when I got dragged into some bar at 10 am in the freaking morning :D That's what made me think of it.

Why do vacations have to end?


At 4:56 PM, Anonymous man riding unicycle naked said...

I wish Cassandra and spd were in Key West, too.

And Mike G, of course, who introduced me to Scappleface on one of his vacations to Key West. (I would link the thread, but Mr. Ott has removed the comments from his site.)

At 3:46 AM, Blogger camojack said...

Warren Zevon, huh? I loved that line from "Werewolves of London":
"Little old lady got mutilated late last night..." It just flows, y'know?

And I wish I was back in The Keys, too.

man riding unicycle naked:
Scott Ott reactivated his comments some time back...

At 6:21 AM, Blogger Cassandra said...

I've said it before, but some day we all need to meet somewhere (maybe the Keys... that would be dangerous) and get seriously wasted.

I think we have one of the three essential elements (lawyers) already.

I'll bring the money.

That leaves guns. Anyone???? Portia? You're not a Scrappler but it wouldn't be right without you there.

At 1:20 AM, Blogger camojack said...

I'm thinking about flying down to Florida between Christmas and New Year's Day...I have the week off then, with pay. Both of my sisters live down there, and they're always trying to get me to visit.

Sometimes I even do...


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