Monday, May 02, 2005

Tiding You Over

I will be out of town for a few days on business, so this may be my only chance to post prior to Friday. Of course, I had to spend some time this morning writing crappy poetry (see below), so this might have been better.

Dumbass of the Week:

The material for this award never runs dry. I might be able to actually give it out weekly.

The police claim that two guys who reported finding buried treasure in their back yard in the form of old currency are now accused of receiving stolen property. It turns out, allegedly, that the money was stolen from a house that the they were working on as roofers. Now four men have been arrested in all.

I saw these guys on some morning news show when they first went public. How stupid were they?

Methuen police chief Joseph E. Solomon said Friday morning that Tim Crebase, 22, of Methuen, and Barry Billcliff, 27, of Manchester, N.H., are roofers who actually found the money in the rafters of an old house they were renovating in Newbury, Mass., so it doesn't belong to them.

Solomon said that the pair are facing charges of receiving stolen property worth more than $250 and conspiracy, among other charges. He said police began to be suspicious about the find Thursday when the stories about how the money was discovered kept changing.

"It appeared to be the American dream and it just turned out to be a fraud," Solomon said.

The antique bank notes and currency the pair found could be worth as much as $100,000, and the money is authentic -- but the stories about how the money was found while the men were digging up a tree in Crebase's yard were phony and Solomon said one of the men eventually confessed.

Solomon said if the men had not gone to the media with the story of their discovery, they probably could have taken it out of state and sold it to dealers and collectors and kept the profits. Instead, their story garnered national attention, including closer scrutiny by the police and even the Secret Service.

"They probably could have gotten away with it all," Solomon said. "I guess sometimes wanting to be famous is the downfall of some people."

Yup -- they sought their 15 minutes of fame as lucky bastards rather than just take the money and run. Didn't these guys think that so much money buried in their back yard (if true) would garner interest by the police?

I also have to quibble with the wise Chief Solomon. What in helk does finding buried treasure have to with the American dream? The American dream is about having the opportunity to earn your fortune, not find it.

Anyway, Congrats to our winners.

Irrelevent News Event of the Week:

J.Lo. protested by PETA. Why? Apparently, J.Lo. has a clothing line. It includes fur. J.Lo. doesn't care. When asked for a comment, J.Lo. said, "I don't care. Hey, hand me my club, there is another baby seal over there."

In a related story (any story about a failed engagement or marriage is related to J. Lo.), Jennifer Willbank's jilted groom to be John Mason still wants to get married. In an interview with Sean Hannity, Mason said, "Haven't we all made mistakes?" Yeah, but I hope you aren't about to make another one. Good luck!

Caption: J. Lo. wearing a red fox. The animal, not the actor.


At 1:50 PM, Blogger Jehane said...

J-lo has a line of underwear too. I saw it at the Hecht Co. last week when I was shopping. For one mad moment, it occurred to me to to make a run for the door with the life-sized cardboard cutout display of J-Lo in her bra and panties, but there was a store detective loitering nearby and since I had about $175 worth of lingerie in my hot little hand I figured I'd best just pay up and be on my merry way.

Honestly sucks. But I think I may ask if I can have the display when they're done with it. I thought it was a hoot. I'd love to put it by the door next time we have a party to greet the guests. I could put a drink in her hand and we'd be off to the races.

At 1:52 PM, Blogger Jehane said...

Oh wow... even better...

If I had the J-Lo bra-and-panties cutout, I could put this silver fox jacket one of my friends sent me from this tony secondhand shop in Palm Springs on it and she'd look just like the picture. I can't remember whether I got rid of it or not though...


At 1:52 PM, Blogger Jehane said...

I hate you. Now I'm laughing so hard I'll never get any work done.

At 8:33 PM, Blogger Pile On® said...

When stores have life size cut outs of you, have you made it or are you a has been?

At 9:32 PM, Blogger Jehane said...

I think it's the Death Knell of Celebrity, Pile... when Jacqueline Smith got her line of clothing in la Marte du K it was pretty much curtains for her acting career. And it didn't do much for Bartles n' James either. My father in law had his picture taken with their cardboard cutouts on an inebriated lark and they've never been heard from again.

The picture's hilarious though.

At 10:40 PM, Blogger Pile On® said...

I suspected as much.

At 11:04 AM, Blogger spd rdr said...

Does J-Lo underwear come with an extra large behind area?

At 11:51 AM, Blogger Jehane said...

I did not try any of her exclusive line on, mr. rdr. It wasn't 'me' (whatever that means) much to the detriment of the family checkbook. I rarely shop for myself, but when I do I try to buy things that are beautiful or that last. Her things didn't seem to fit either bill.

But I did hold a few items up to the light to see if they were badly made (women do that) and I can't say I noticed that the derriere was any roomier than normal.


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