Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Third String Tight End at Purdue Brings Good Press

As reported at the site "Everyday Should Be Saturday" (and who can argue with that except for Seventh Day Adventists and Jews who would have to go church like every single day?), Purdue is pleased that it has student-athlete-driver under the influence Garret Bushong. Garret you see was pulled over for DUI. Then Purdue apparently had a number of behavior problems with its athletes. So Garret came to their defense. Little did we know that a third string tight end "runs Purdue."

This letter is a shoutout to all of the athletes of Purdue. [A shoutout?] I am personally sick and tired of all the bad ink we are getting, and it is really time to put an end to it. Yeah, I got an OWI, so what! [I wonder how the "so what" defense played out in court?] It’s over, and everyone now knows about it. [Look guys. Yes, I murdered those people, but it's over and everyone knows about it. Let's move one.] It’s not like 300 other students on this campus haven’t gotten one, yet the names of those people are not put on the front page of the Exponent followed up three months later by a headline on the back page of the Sports section.

I know all those people putting the paper together don’t have anything better to write about, and I am not mad at them for that. I am mad because they continously are publishing articles that make us look so bad. [If only they wouldn't write about the things we are doing.] If I am not mistaken, you guys go to Purdue too and I thought you would have a little more respect for your fellow classmates and the people who bring millions of dollars into this university year after year. [Like me dweeb. Have more respect for me or I'll bully you some more after I get done playing scout offense for the good football players.]

So to all of my basketball players, football players, soccer girls [I thought about using the term "chicks" but thought "girls" would go over better], softball girls, wrestlers, cross country, track and field guys and girls, divers, golfers, tennis girls and guys, volleyball girls and baseball players, forget what ya heard. We’re here to stay, we all know what we do for this school and what we give back. We run this place and if anyone begs to differ, I’ll say what my good buddy Brandon Kirsch once said. “You know where to find me, locker number three, so come and say what you need to say to my face.” [I want to make peace. If you don't agree, come to my locker so I can kick you @$$] Lastly I would like to give another shoutout to the athletes who have gotten bad ink in the Exponent lately. I feel for ya!

Represent in 2006.
Garret Bushong
Junior, College of Consumer and Family Sciences


What a bafoon! Everyday Should Be Saturday published this photo of Mr. Bushong.



All appologies to Brad the Unrepentant Individual for having his school represented by Bushong the Unrepentant Jerk.

3 Comments:

At 9:55 PM, Blogger Pile On® said...

Okay, he is a dumbass.

But, this is a stone of which I am unable to cast first. For religous reasons.

 
At 11:23 AM, Anonymous Brad Warbiany said...

What pisses me off is not what he believes. When he doesn't get into the NFL, and he's forced to realize how the real world works (i.e. he doesn't "run the place"), he'll get his comeuppance.

What pisses me off is the fact that after 3 years of Purdue education, he can't string together three paragraphs of coherent thought. I expect that from my fellow engineering students (many of whom can't even speak English), but the fluff classes Bushong is taking probably require sentences instead of equations.

I do love how he talks a big game about Brandon Kirsch, the redshirt junior quarterback who got benched this year for a freshman who took his place. Kirsch has decided to leave Purdue as a result. He doesn't have a locker anymore!

 
At 3:32 PM, Blogger KJ said...

So that is who Brandon Kirsh is. And I was assuming he was some famous general in the Peloponnesian War.

 

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