Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Super Ape Human Fighters

This may be the funniest story I've read in a while. Drudge linked it, so it must be true.

THE Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

"According to recently uncovered secret documents . . ." just rings of such absurd sites or news organizations such as the Weekly World News, the Gossiping Ragmuffin and CBS.

According to Moscow newspapers, Stalin told the scientist: "I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat."

Apparently, Stalin wanted an army modeled after my Uncle KJ. Aunt KJoso wasn't nice, couldn't cook and probably beat him up after we kids left.

Mr Ivanov was highly regarded. He had established his reputation under the Tsar when in 1901 he established the world's first centre for the artificial insemination of racehorses.

Mr Ivanov's ideas were music to the ears of Soviet planners and in 1926 he was dispatched to West Africa with $200,000 to conduct his first experiment in impregnating chimpanzees.

Well, anyway, you know the rest of the story. Russia tried to take over the world with damned dirty apes that ate wafers made of people, but Charleton Heston saved us all when he opened the Red Sea and they all drowned.

2 Comments:

At 9:55 PM, Blogger Joatmoaf said...

Now we know how some of their women got their looks.

 
At 2:40 PM, Blogger Masked MenaceĀ© said...

Overheard in the Test Subject waiting room:

"Hey, that's not what I had in mind when the application mentioned monkey spanking!"

 

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