Our Bond: Lawsuits

Sure, eveyone knows that Merck won a Vioxx suit in New Jersey. But the two lawsuits really getting water cooler discussion both involve glue, not drugs.

In Colorodo, Home Depot is being sued by a man for getting his buttox glued to a toilet seat. Somebody's prank just made his buddies Hall of Fame.

This frivilous suit has too many questions. First, if the glue was still sticky, then it was fresh. Is Home Depot supposed to check its toilet seats every 3 minutes? Second, if the glue was still sticky, why didn't the man feel the glue and stand up before becoming one with the toilet?

The people who put the glue on the toilet are responsible for this situation. Not Home Depot. Anyway, the sad tale of damages goes like this:

Retired electrical engineer Bob Dougherty, 57, said on Thursday he was stuck in the stall with his pants down for about 20 minutes and that two years after the 2003 incident he was suffering from post-traumatic stress, which has triggered diabetes and heart complications.
"I have these nightmares every night where I am locked in this dark room, with no windows, no doors, no fresh air, no route for escape. I wake up in these cold sweats," Dougherty said.

Our growing country of wussies gains another citizen.

In the not so frivilous category comes the fate of a lover scorned.

A man claims his ex-girlfriend owes him more than $30,000 for gluing his genitals to his abdomen five years ago. "This was not just some petty domestic squabble," attorney Grey Pratt told a Westmoreland County jury Wednesday.

Indeed it is not. The worst part: she broke up with him, then sought revenge because he moved on.

Mr Slaby said that he was in love with Ms O’Toole for five years and was devastated when she left him. When she invited him over to her home in Murrysville, Pennsylvania, five months later, he agreed.

According to court papers, she suggested that he take a nap. He awoke “to a strong burning sensation” around his genitals and found red and blue nail polish had been poured in his hair. Ms O’Toole pleaded guilty to simple assault and served six months of probation.

Ugly pictures here. A little more detailed account of trial testimony here.

In this case, she should pay.